I was at work until 8:30 tonight, and I still hadn’t run out of things to do.
I will go in early tomorrow morning and still not be completed with my tasks by the end of the day. In fact, I’m sure my list will be longer.
This no longer feels unusual to me.
I’m drinking more alcohol to relax.
I’m getting (more than) a little stressed out.
I think about quitting.
And something is wrong with my Wordpress. I seem to have lost…something.
It’s definitely time for bed.
I just accomplished a little hurdle today on my journey to establish my new “secret” project! It seems like a little thing, but getting those post office box keys felt like a major achievement. Especially because I don’t yet have any mail to come to that post office box – it’s like a little reminder that now I’ve shelled out a bit more precious money, so I can’t give up. I need to keep plugging forward.
You see, I’m going to (finally) start my own business. (Go me!) It may not be a huge earner, and it may not turn a big profit for a while. It may never turn a big profit. But I’m very excited about it, and I can’t wait to get my first client.
I’ve even got plans for that. I may have to beg, and I will probably have to give out quite a few freebies. For this particular endeavor, I had thought to drop off at businesses, but I have a feeling I may have more luck at libraries. And perhaps bookstores – I’ve always thought that if I had my own business I would be sticking my business cards in relevant books at bookstores. Can you get in trouble for that? Maybe not if I ask the manager. Or maybe that would flag.
Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. I read that once.
Or used bookstores.
Well, anyway! Victory for Nicki! Yay!
Stress. Not the good kind.
That nasty, tingly feeling of absolute panic that you get when there is more on your plate than you can possibly accomplish in the time provided. Even when you squeeze in extra time, you’re still not able to complete the tasks.
You can’t think straight, and don’t know where to start next. What is most important? It all has to be done yesterday, or last week, so how do you choose? Who are you going to piss off?
All you want to do is scream, and you know that it won’t help. You start to snap at people you work with because you’re so frustrated that they don’t understand – you’re busy! Come on, there’s no way you have time to give them thirty minutes!
There’s nothing to strangle, no way to get the frustration to pass. Here’s another task, and then another. Your list gets longer, two or three more jobs for every one you complete.
Welcome to my world.
“I really need a beer,” you think. Some alcohol, anything to turn off the panic that won’t go away. A glass of wine, then maybe two. You cross the line from “I really shouldn’t have too much because I have work tomorrow,” to “Who cares how much I drink?”
When do you get to say, “Enough!” When do you put your foot down and say, “If I don’t get more assistance here, I can’t be here any more.” When are you not caring about yourself enough that you change your situation in good concience?
As desperately hoped and expected, thankfully my back pain has waned to the point where I feel normal again.
Well, not completely normal. I still can’t put on my own socks. I get my 4-year-old to help me in the mornings.
And the morning car rides are difficult, but not impossible. Discomfort now rather than outright pain. I’ve just been taking Aleve in the mornings, and then…
In the evenings, after I’ve been up and down and have walked around and moved all day, I don’t feel much at all.
I’m really eager for the weather to warm more and the light to stay longer in the evenings so I can start walking, which I am confident will help even more. Plus, it won’t hurt the waistline. When I can get out and walk in the evenings I am less likely to sit and pork out on snacks and more likely to get a glass of water so I don’t ruin all the good I’ve done.
Aside from that, well, work is stressful as always. The next two weeks will be chock full of one task repeated over and over again, and at the end I’ll sag down in defeat with a case of Lager and drown my misery for one night, then go back to the grind. It just never lets up, and it’s…
Well, it’s hard. Nobody said it would be easy, though, huh?
Yay, Spring!
Snow, I love you, but really, we’ve had enough.
Yay, Spring!
Signs of Spring
So as you can see, Spring is absolutely here. I love it, I love it, I love it.
My kids started begging for their bikes to be let out. Since I’m not quite ready to let them ride around the neighborhood yet, I pushed it off. Plus, I’m going to have to either fix the training wheels or remove them on my son’s bike.
The snow has nearly all melted away, and I feel safe in scheduling a car wash for this week. If the snow isn’t over yet completely, at least I can get rid of the layer of salt and grime that’s all over it. Not to mention the bird poo on the window from the flock of seagulls I saw earlier. (There must have been over 1000 of them, no kidding.)
What are seagulls doing so far inland, by the way? This is strange to me.
Plus, they don’t say “mine” like they do in Finding Nemo. I wish they would. ;)
Well, I got to watch the Canada v. USA Gold Medal hockey game today, and loved it. I’m glad that Canada won – they were hosting the games, they should have won. I think if the Olympics had been hosted any other location other than Vancouver, Canada, I would have been all “GO USA!”, but I couldn’t manage it today.
And I don’t think it’s being un-American, as has been suggested. It’s just a game, they’re all NHL players (and even NHL Refs!), and it doesn’t matter that much to me. In the scheme of things, I mean.
But I missed most of the rest of The Games. I didn’t see any Downhill Skiing, nor did I catch any of the really cool looking snowboarding (Downhill Snowboarding?), or the figure skating. I just took a moment to watch some recaps – only about ten minutes worth – and I realize again just how much I missed it.
I want to be in a position, two years from now, to be able to have cable and sit and watch Olympics from the moment they start until the second they finish. To be able to take two weeks off of work, still send the kid’s to daycare, and just veg. Turn up the television and clean in the other rooms when there’s something on I’m not completely in love with.
That would be cool.
So I’ve got some events queued up in another tab, and I’m going to enjoy the things I missed. It won’t be the same, of course. I can see who won already, and I know who crashes and who doesn’t stand a chance. A lot of the fun is gone.
On the other hand, I did finally figure out who that squat little man-figure is supposed to represent, all on my own. Yay, me!
Just a memo to me: this is not something I want to give up on. Daily effort is necessary and essential. Stop thinking negative thoughts and ACT. No apologies, ever.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog!
Sometimes you just need a cowboy picture.
So if you read my last post, you read about my zombie kids. And so tonight, as there was no boy scouts to take my son to, I announced to my daughter when I picked her up that tonight was to be No TV Happy Play Day!
She was not amused, in the adorable way only a 4-year-old can be.
But then my son and I talked about how he couldn’t find his toys and how he was angry and sad about it, and I explained to him that he needs to organize his toys. I’m not sure how, but suddenly they were both totally psyched about it. After my son explained that we could pack up the baby toys and then if I forget to take my medicine and we get another baby (!!) we could get the baby toys back out, it was decided. Tonight’s big adventure would be cleaning shelves and taking pictures so we knew where things would be and could find our toys.
Now my daughter whines a lot. Usually it’s because she’s hungry, but today when we got home, it was, “I want to clean the shelves!”
Seriously, she was whining about not being able to clean quickly enough.
But we had to make sure my son had his homework done. After that, they cleaned. I supervised (sore back – honest!), and as my son attacked the book shelves, I saw one of my favorite books – Lafcadio, the Lion Who Shot Back by Shel Silverstein. After cleaning lost its appeal, I was determined to read it.
The kids totally loved it, I finished it only a little bit after bedtime, and I realized where I got my writing style from. Mr. Silverstein likes to ramble, and I like to ramble.
So all in all, our No TV Happy Play Day was a success! I have another book by Uncle Shelby – poetry this time – to read tomorrow night. And if I can’t find the one with the naked butt drawings that I remember from when I was a kid, I’m totally going to the library.
What a great ending to a suckage day!
When my daughter watches television, she does nothing else. She could sit there for hours and watch Spongebob and then Dora and then Sailor Moon (yay, VHS!), and not complain a moment (except for the traditional V battle cry, “I’m hungry!”).
My son could play on the computer for hours. On a lazy Saturday morning with only half-awake parentage, he could easily kill three hours on Kidzui.
Lately, if the TV isn’t on, my daughter doesn’t want to do anything. And if my son can’t play “something with electricity”, he’s not happy.
That’s not good.
They both have tons of toys, and when we do finally manage to get them to start playing, they get totally into their respective activities – blocks, coloring, playing Spy – and don’t miss the television at all. It’s just getting through the whines and cries of “I’m bored!” and “There’s nothing to do – can’t I play on your iPod?” that’s the difficult part.
My husband had a suggestion – no television for a week. It’s a great idea, and something I want to try as well.
You see, I can’t really complain about my kids’ habits, because they’re my habits, too. When I’m up in the evenings after everyone else has gone to bed, I “have” to have the television on to keep me company. Usually I’ll put in a movie I’ve seen about 16 times. And then I turn on the computer, and start playing games on Facebook, addicted to Farmville and Cafe World (darn you to heck, Zynga Games!).
But when I have the television off, and I’m actually working, I easily slip into The Zone, that place where everything gets done and you lose track of time because you’re so focused on what you’re doing. And that just helps – the pocketbook, the bills get paid, my task list, everything.
So – a week without TV. I’ve got other things for this week too, but I’ll try hard to focus on getting this done.
Wish me luck!
We don’t have cable right now, and while I realize how much I really miss it just after I get back from doing laundry at my parents’ house, I’m so glad we don’t. Because when the kids come with me to do laundry, I hear one thing for the entire trip.
“Mommy, come here, quick! I want that!”
Commercials suck. They teach my kids to beg for things they don’t need. An overpriced robe you wear backwards? My son wants it. A machine that squeezes toothpaste out of the tube automatically because the user can’t figure out how to get the last drop out? My daughter needs it. A bunch of markers that change colors? The helicopter that floats around your living room? The latest TV show card game toy?
“I want it! I want it! I want it!”
I’m trying to get them to change their verbiage. “That’s neat! I like that! It looks like fun!” But with kids, it’s hard. I like to get stuff, too, so teaching my kids to not want everything they see is hard. Still, I feel like if I can steer them away from always saying they “want” something, or it’s something they have to “have”, that maybe I can adjust their attitudes a little.
There’s got to be a book out there to teach me what to do. All the advice that’s spread out on the Internet in all the great blogs that I read, all in one spot so I can read it all at once and reference it. Does anyone know where that link went?
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